Lately, I've been checking out a lot of books about relationship-dynamics, sex and all the baggage that goes along with it all. It's always fascinated me.....the passion plays between people of the opposite (and even SAME) sex. Take for example the conversations you hear in a group of women talking about men: they're all dogs, cheaters, liars....all they care about is sex. Then there's the conversations you hear in a group of men talking about women: they're all whores, opportunists, golddiggers.....they use sex as a tool to get what they want.
There is some validity in these perceptions of the sexes, otherwise these observations wouldn't be so prevalent. I'm not, of course, saying it's true for ALL parties involved. Plenty of men are not dogs, cheaters and liars; plenty of women are not whores, opportunists and golddiggers. I've known a bit of them all.......the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm sure it can be said that I've even BEEN a bit of them all during my lifetime. I can comfortably admit my faults....past and current.
There may have been a time when I felt that the above characterization of men was fairly accurate. That was a very brief moment in time, however. I think I may have only attempted to agree that men were pigs in an effort to somehow bond with other women. Like we were all fighting 'the good fight' together. Like I said, that was brief. I've always tended to gravitate towards men as friends as well as in the obvious construct. I find them to be more honest on many levels. I can safely share my extremely sick sense of humor in their company without feeling like a pariah. It's usually very easy to make a man happy. I see far more women sitting around bitching about the state of things than I do men. Something that should change any woman's negative perception of men is having a son of her own. It no longer becomes an 'us vs. them' thing when one of 'them' has come from your body. You can't reasonably insult men as a whole without including your son. I can't help but believe that this same scenario occurs when a man has a daughter.
Having said that, I have to also honestly say that I don't enjoy being in the company of other women, save for my daughter, my lesbian best friend and MAYBE a handful of others. Most of the relationships I've had with women, from childhood to now, have always felt like they were very conditional. There never seemed to be any loyalty there, either. I was always a better friend, confidante and shoulder to cry on than they were. In fact, when it came to needing them......really and truly needing another female to commiserate with......they were, with few exceptions, too busy. On the rare occasions when I was able to get some time with a 'girlfriend', they always seemed occupied with something else.....passively listening to me and giving the occasional 'uh huh'.....'what?'......'holy shit!'.....or the old standby 'that is fucking bullshit, man'. I think that, as women, we're geared to view other women as some sort of competition. It's definitely societally acceptable, if not encouraged, for women to be driven to be thinner, prettier, sexier, more powerful and more successful than their female counterparts. Indeed, men are also competitive in many of the same areas. I lend that more to genetics and evolution than to environment.
I guess this makes me sound very misogynistic......I can assure you I'm far from that. The point I'm trying to make is that there is a definite pattern in male/female, female/female, male/male relationships that deserves to be delved into and examined.....and appreciated. I've got wonderful relationships with the men and women in my life who matter most to me. I know why my relationships work for me and my priority in my life is to preserve them. Almost nothing is worth fighting about, I find......and when there are disagreements, you must get past them quickly and fairly by remembering what really matters in the end: we're only here for a short time. We should put on each other's shoes and look through each other's eyes before we decide if winning the argument is really all it's cracked up to be.
