Any 'How To Keep A Man' book should consist of one page. Yes, I'll write it for you. 




1. Keep Him Well Fed (meaning, learn to cook as good as, or better than, his mother).


2. Keep Him Well Fucked (If he leaves the house in the morning with a loaded gun....well, you know the rest).




3. Let him have his space. He loves you...he really does...BUT...if he loves his sports, video games, etc., let him have that WITHOUT you.


4. Don't expect him to understand all your little moods and 'sighs' and shit. Men are basic-input modules...kind of like old cellphones. There's no 'apps'.


5. Show him appreciation as often as possible. It's easy to do, but trust me...if you can't do it, there's a lot of women out there that can.


6. Having said all that....respect yourself by taking care of what you need. Men love that. They know that nobody can know what you need better than you, but they don't mind being let in on that 'secret'.


7. He is probably going to hate your friends. You should pretend to like his. It pays off, trust me.


8. If he asks you 'What's wrong?' and you say "Nothing", don't expect him to go mining for what's really bothering you. Either tell him or shut the fuck up.


9. Get interested in at least one thing he loves. That helps him bond to you. It's okay for you to have your own thing, and he won't mind that. Don't expect him to like 'your thing' because it's probably outside of his intellectual/emotional spectrum.


10. The main thing is...realize how much shit your man puts up with outside of the house and try to make coming home to you a haven.


11. All these tips are null and void if he's an abusive, careless, womanizing, porn-addicted prick.