Ever since my 19 year old daughter moved out a couple of months ago, things have been strange around here for me. There's now an empty room in a house formerly full. I still haven't quite understood that I can't open her bedroom door and find her there.
As a small bit of compensation, I've gotten to spend most Mondays with her. Her father drops her on his way to work and picks her up later that evening. She gets to catch up with her emails and friends and other internet shit, as well as hang/cook/chat/watch movies/tv with Mom and Little Bro. I look forward to these days....as I know she does. I've never liked Mondays before.
Yesterday's visit came about, same bat-time. It was different, however. She seemed out-of-sorts....didn't finish Mom's homemade breakfast......was very quiet.
As I walked back from taking her plate to the sink, I saw her lay her head down on the computer desk. I noticed her shoulders rising up and down and her wiping her face with her napkin.
Naturally, Mother Bear instinct went into overdrive. "What's wrong, baby?"
"Mom....I'm so lonely. It feels like everyone's forgotten about me."
"Oh, honey.....how can that be? No one here ever STOPS thinking about you."
I knew exactly what she was feeling, however. I had been her. I was afraid this was going to happen when she first approached us with wanting to go move in with her father.
When I first met her dad, I fell in love....HARD. She, too, is in love with her father...albeit in a very different way. After having lived with me and her step-father since she was one-and-a-half, she wanted to try staying with 'Pop'. I know what she thought it was going to be like. I know what I knew it was going to be like.
I got lonely, quickly after marrying him. His work always came first...still does. My way of dealing with it was to turn to booze and drugs....and eventually the loneliness drove me into other men's arms. It was a downward spiral that I managed to snap out of....after snapping out of the marriage.
What scares the shit out of me now is the depression I see setting in with her. Will she choose to self-soothe as I did? Why can't her father acknowledge that she's feeling deserted? Obviously, it's not my place to tell him how to live his life.....our daughter is of legal adult age, after all. I would just have thought he'd have learned by now.
She knows......we assured her......that this is her home FOREVER. I need her to know that's there's nothing to be ashamed of if she's decided she made a mistake. My husband has insisted I ask her to please "come home". I don't want to push her into ANY decision, however, I am going to lay it all out for her.
I can't sit back and watch a re-run of my old life.....especially not when the leading lady is my daughter.
